she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
