The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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