Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
