I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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