eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
