Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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