can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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