Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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