I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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