The maid of honor just puked.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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