So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
