you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
