Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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