She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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