Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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