i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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