Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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