i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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