apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
