I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
