You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
