I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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