Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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