I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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