k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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