I seem to have left my pride at pride
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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