i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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