Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
