he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize