I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
