Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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