Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
