Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
