we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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