can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
