I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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