I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
