Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
