That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize