I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
