So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize