I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
