apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
