from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
