I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
