Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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