my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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