you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
