Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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