She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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