your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
