2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
