Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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