i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
