I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize