it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
