this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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