Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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