there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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