"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
