last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
