We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
