WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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