The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
