you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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