Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
