Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
