I'm laying in your front yard are you home
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
