I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize