i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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