Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
