Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
