I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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