Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
