Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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