It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We had to coat check the pizza.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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