Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
