the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
