What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
