There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
