Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
