onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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