I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize