Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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