Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
