Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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