look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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