So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
