he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
