is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
