My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
