This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
