Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
