dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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