i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
