One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
