Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
