HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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