Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
