There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
