I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
