Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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