oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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