we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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