that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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